Calling all Perfectionsists…

If you struggle in any way with perfectionism, I would highly recommend that you take a look at  Dr Ellen Hendriksen’s book, entitled, How to be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. The podcast, The Good Life Project also hosts Dr Eriksen, who discusses her book in person.

As a clinical psychologist at Boston University, she takes a scientific but accessible approach to  a problem that appears to be on the increase, (perhaps because we are constantly invited to compare ourselves), and offers strategies to re-frame the way we  evaluate our worth. In my own experience with clients, it is an issue that crops up time after time.

Dr Eriksen celebrates all that is good about striving for excellence and caring deeply, as this can be regarded as a very positive personality trait (one of the “Big Five”). However she also explores the two main ways that conscientiousness can spill over into unhelpful perfectionism: harsh self-criticism  and over-evaluation or basing our value as a human being on how we perform. I found it helpful to appreciate that there is a sort of tipping point between setting healthy high standards and the more dysfunctional space of perfectionism: this is the point at which our focus is no longer on the fulfilling journey towards achieving our goals and living our values, but more on  ourselves and our inadequacies as a person.

Perfectionism, in whatever realm (academic, social, sporting, our appearance), focuses on our flaws, robs us of joy of and often leads to huge anxiety. It is about never feeling good enough.  

She explores perfectionism in terms of personality but also as a response to our environment, culture and society and how it can stray into the world of OCD, eating disorders and depression. Encouragingly however, the heart of her book is about what we can do to “to be flexible and to really live the life we want to live…” . Strategies include daring to move away from the rigid rules and the “shoulds”  that perfectionists are expert at imposing on themselves and steering more towards values we have chosen, hearing but not always listening to our inner critic, learning  and practising the art of self-compassion and valuing connection above “not making mistakes”.

Happy reading!

Here's where you can get hold of it:

• Amazon
• Good Reads